Child’s Loss

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Children are the collateral damage of cancer. Since children grieve differently it is easy to assume, they are fine, as they can appear fine. Dillan was seven when her mom died, and I was often told that children are resilient. I have come to hate this statement as it gives adults an excuse to ignore their children’s. In our household, we encourage the children to be open about their grief and express it openly. Crying is not only reprimanded, it is encouraged. Dillan has picked up writing to come to terms with the death of her mother. Below is a short essay she wrote last night. I am amazed year and half later, she is still haunted by the last three months of her mother’s life. Please note that I have not changed her grammar to maintain the integrity of her writing. Continue reading

Living is not forgetting

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One thing I have learned past year and half is that people love the image of grieving widower. The sad single dad raising children on his own looks great on a movie screen, but reality is a lot different. I recently started reading “Motherless Daughters” by Hope Edelman. In the chapter “Daddy’s Little Girl”, Edelman describes her anger toward her grief paralyzed father who created an atmosphere where she had to hide her own grief to protect him. She states that her father made her pack her mother’s belongings even though she was only 15. She was not allowed to talk about her mother, because her father could not handle it. Of course, the unresolved grief followed her into adulthood and affected her future relationships. Later in the book she states that her father never dated and kept the house the same until he died. Continue reading