A New Beginning

At the end of Pink Floyd’s The Wall, after all the chaos has ended and the wall has fallen the music slows down and it gives you a sense of a new beginning. I have only seen The Wall once but this scene has stayed with me. After every disaster if you are lucky enough, you get a chance at a new beginning. A chance to rebuild and possibly be happy again.

My mother says, if universe takes something away from you, it will give you back something else. As cliche as it sounds, it’s true. You just have to have the balls to take a chance again.

When disaster is a personal disaster, it is very difficult to rebuild especially if you are trying to keep everybody happy. Those who knew you before the disaster think you are moving too fast and those who you have met after, complain you are not moving fast enough. Chances are both group’s are right, but you are the only person in charge of yours and your family’s happiness. If you fail, at least you tried. After a disaster it’s up to the survivors to rebuild. Universe may give you an other chance but you have to have the guts to take it.

3 thoughts on “A New Beginning

  1. Hello Arash, Thank you for your kind words from a week or so ago. And thanks for the words of wisdom above. I agree totally. But, it does take courage. I have such mixed feelings right now. The disaster is over, but clean up is far from. I have some very wonderful friends who are so supportive and loving; and they bring continuity, as well, for they are the same friends that were always there for Peter and for me; BC and AC (before cancer . . .). But, I am very self concious about the moving too fast, too slow scenario. In the last few weeks, I’ve been feeling more and more mournful. The resolution of the estate, getting rid of his car, closing accounts, all feel like an attempt to erase Peter. When I paid off the mortgage last week (which was part of our plan), it made me so sad.
    So five months after Peter’s passing, I feel like I should be moving faster towards adapting to living “with only one arm”. But since I’m not, I am avoiding friends, not wanting to be a downer.
    I know there is a new beginning right there in front of me, but for now I can’t seem to embrace it without feeling like it comes with some additional loss of Peter as I move forward.
    I am happy for you and your girls that you seem to have worked through these hard times. Thanks for being an inspiration.

    Jon

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    • You know Jon, one of the best advice I was given was to be gentle on yourself. It has only been five months, how much faster can you move? Similar to you, after Molly’s death I had to update the living trust, all school forms, and other nightmare paper works. Every time I removed her name, I felt like I was erasing her. Even today when a piece of mail comes in her name, it breaks my heart. “How can she really be gone?”

      When I have sprouts of happiness it usually follows with acute guilt and sadness. “Am I erasing her memory? How dare you be happy when she is not here?” I can tell you with time these episodes have become more gentle, but far from over. At five months I was sleep walking through life and staying intact mostly for the children. Be gentle on yourself it hasn’t been that long. Please keep in contact. Also send me a private message if you like to chat.

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