The dream always starts the same, it’s a cold winter day and we are waiting in line to get on a new roller coaster ride, but unlike other rides no one in the line looks very excited. I look down at my daughters, they are confused and squeezed between to me and their mother. The weather has a wind that freezes your bones. I look at the people waiting in line with us. An older Asian lady with kind eyes, a bearded nurse who keeps smiling , single mom with two little boys, couple with a beautiful baby boy, a surgeon still in his medical scrubs and his wife, another family with kids, and on and on and on……
It has been two years….I’m a veteran now in this war and just like all veterans I have many scars. I have watched too many suffer, had many desperate calls from patients out of options, and late night text from a friend whose loved one just passed away.
Besides taking care of my family, for two years my life has been dedicated to one cause. Raising awareness for an often ignored disease and help those who are affected by it. I have spent hours listening to caregivers and patients who just needed someone who understood, looking to vent.
Watching and helping friends navigate through tough times, I knew it was going to be my turn someday. Funny you are never as ready as you think you are. It’s like a punch in the gut that leaves you breathless for few seconds. But this time I’d rather keep it to myself than share it. Why bother the ones who are going through the same? Why upset friends and family?
The monster came back just like when it first came two years ago. A cough that wouldn’t go away, fatigue, strange pains then scans, biposy and endless doctor visits. All ending up with a new form of hope called Tagrisso.
The end of the dream is also always the same. The ride comes to a sudden stop, my head is pounding, I’m confused and want to vomit. I look around and half the people who had gotten on the ride with me are not there anymore…….