Concept of Passing Time

Persistence of Time

I find passing of time funny….well may be not funny but more like intriguing. I felt it took an eternity for me to turn 10 and another lifetime to turn 20. When you are a child you can’t wait to get older. There are all these milestones you look forward to. Sixteen to drive, eighteen to vote and mother of all birthdays twenty one to drink.

Out of all my birthdays twenty one was my favorite.Unlike my other milestone birthdays, I actually had something I looked forward to. When I turned sixteen there was no car for me to drive, and at eighteen I had moved out of my dear aunt’s house and was working through college.  Turning twenty one actually meant something, I could finally go out to bars with my friends and pretend to be an adult. The ironic part of turning twenty one was that the day after my birthday I went to Europe where there are no drinking age. Also I am really not a big drinker, I get terrible hang overs.

After twenty one, I really didn’t look forward to any more birthdays. Thirty sucked because I thought I would be a hot shot millionaire by then and by forty I knew better. Actually forty was the best, I had my family and a great job. I was on top of my game and thought nothing could ruin it. Then came my favorite year 2013 and life gave me the big middle finger.

Before Molly’s diagnosis, I lived life for the next event. I used to plan my next vacation while I was actually on vacation. I constantly looked forward to next big event, and missed what was going on at that moment. This made time to go on hyper drive.

I can no longer live that way, not because some guru has miraculously thought me to live life for today, but more because I can’t. I still plan trips and events but with the understanding that they may not happen. For example Molly has a business trip in April which I am planning on joining her at the tail end for much needed vacation time. I planned everything months ago knowing full well that it may not actually happen, and when Molly was in ER few weeks ago I knew it may very well it may not.

Now to our surprise not only Molly’s oncologist gave her the green light to go, but actually encouraged her to go. Great, I will believe it when I am on the plane and actually there. Does this bother me? Well it would be a lie to say no, but it is part of the new reality.One positive thing is that time has slowed down again and not on hyper drive anymore. I feel sometimes it’s actually dragging, kind of like when I was 10.

One thought on “Concept of Passing Time

  1. Greetings,
    My name is Dr. Dana Hansen, Assistant Professor of Nursing at Kent State University. You can learn more about me by visiting my faculty web page at http://www.kent.edu/nursing/facstaff/bio/~dhansen1/
    We are contacting you because you are listed as the contact person of the blog. My research team and I are interested in learning about the family caregiver’s experience with reading their loved one’s illness blog.
    A family caregiver is someone who provides emotional, spiritual, or physical care or support to a loved one.
    I was inspired to conduct this research during my sister-in-law’s journey through breast cancer. After interacting on her blog, I began to wonder what it was like for her husband (family caregiver) to read her blog. The family caregiver of the person who is writing the illness blog can find out more about our study by going to our study website: https://nursing.kent.edu/caretaker. There is a screen for you to share your contact information if you are interested in participating.
    After we receive your information, we will contact you to discuss the study further and establish a time to conduct a 1 hour phone or Skype (your choice) interview. During the interview, we will ask questions about your experience as a caregiver interacting with your loved one on an illness blog. A nominal onetime payment of $50.00 will be mailed to you once the interview is complete.
    Participation is voluntary. Refusal to take part in the study involves no penalty or loss of benefits to which participants are otherwise entitled. Participants may withdraw from or stop the study at any time without penalty or loss of benefits to which they are otherwise entitled.
    If you are not the family caregiver of the person with a serious illness, please forward this information to someone who is.
    Thank you for your time and consideration,
    Dr. Dana Hansen
    Dana Hansen RN, PhD
    Assistant Professor
    Kent State University, College of Nursing
    113 Henderson Hall, P. O. Box 5190, Kent, OH 44242

    Like

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