Children are the collateral damage of cancer. Since children grieve differently it is easy to assume, they are fine, as they can appear fine. Dillan was seven when her mom died, and I was often told that children are resilient. I have come to hate this statement as it gives adults an excuse to ignore their children’s. In our household, we encourage the children to be open about their grief and express it openly. Crying is not only reprimanded, it is encouraged. Dillan has picked up writing to come to terms with the death of her mother. Below is a short essay she wrote last night. I am amazed year and half later, she is still haunted by the last three months of her mother’s life. Please note that I have not changed her grammar to maintain the integrity of her writing. Continue reading
One thing I have learned past year and half is that people love the image of grieving widower. The sad single dad raising children on his own looks great on a movie screen, but reality is a lot different. I recently started reading “Motherless Daughters” by Hope Edelman. In the chapter “Daddy’s Little Girl”, Edelman describes her anger toward her grief paralyzed father who created an atmosphere where she had to hide her own grief to protect him. She states that her father made her pack her mother’s belongings even though she was only 15. She was not allowed to talk about her mother, because her father could not handle it. Of course, the unresolved grief followed her into adulthood and affected her future relationships. Later in the book she states that her father never dated and kept the house the same until he died. Continue reading
At the end of Pink Floyd’s The Wall, after all the chaos has ended and the wall has fallen the music slows down and it gives you a sense of a new beginning. I have only seen The Wall once but this scene has stayed with me. After every disaster if you are lucky enough, you get a chance at a new beginning. A chance to rebuild and possibly be happy again. Continue reading
It has been almost a year. After she died, I tried to concentrate on raising the girls and dealing with my own grief second. Not the best idea, but necessity is the mother of invention. Molly protected the girls from her disease and impending death to a fault. They were in complete shock and disbelief when she died. “Can’t she just take another medicine?” They needed my full support. Putting on the air mask on yourself before your children, only works in theory.
Recently a friend showed me a widow and widowers website. Out of curiosity I looked through it and needless to say, after an hour I couldn’t take it…………….it was so sad.